Wednesday, September 9, 2009

I am .....wait..... How old am I? um. I was born in 1975. So I guess that makes me...(pause as I pull up the calculater on my computer)...That's right 34.
I actually stopped conciously keeping track of my age after 28. After 28 you know you are getting old. I hate the idea of getting old. I started getting gray hairs about three or four years ago. A year after I noticed them on my older brother. They look kind of distinguished on him. I just look much older than I should be. I grew up a blonde. I loved my hair. It was a great golden blonde color. I have for children and after each child my hair got more and more dishwatery until I reached a very ordinary mousey brown/taupe. Yuck. So after many experiments (some succesful and some very very scarily wrong.) I have found that I can highlight it to a dark golden blonde. This is great! But of course after a few months my roots start and then I must pay a lot of money ( in my view anyway) to look good again. The light color actually helps hide the gray, so I am all for that. As I write this I am long overdue for another highlight.
It's amazing what a haircut, highlight and blowout can do for your self esteem......(I'm thinking...)
.....OK, I guess it is really worth the money to get it done. It's really more than looking good right? It's feeling good too.

If I lived in an alternate universe, I would most definately be living in a big city, have sacrificed any love life for a career and I would be very successful as a singer/performer. In this life, I am a stay at home mom with four children, a music teacher (to help supplement staying at home) and wife of...How many years again?...13. I stopped counting after ten. We have a good marriage, it just made me feel old to be married longer than 10. I have no regrets, and, every choice I have made to get me where I am has been deliberate. I knew that if I had made the choice to sacrifice a career over my family, husband, etc. I would have found myself always wondering and wishing I had chosen the alternative. I knew I could not have both at the time. (There is a time and place for everything and as my children get bigger I am doing more and more with my singing.)
So, I chose to marry, have children and stay at home. note: I have many friends who have chosen to work and have a family. And I greatly respect them because I know the sacrifices they make are real and important in their life. Every individual situation is different. For me, it was one or the other. Career or family. My family is my career.

When you are a stay at home mom there are really many magical moments. You know, the moments where everything sort of goes into slow motion and you think to yourself, "I need to take a mental picture of this because it's never ever going to happen again." I get them all the time every day. I also get the days where I feel like I am going insane because my son takes his diaper off and spreads his poop all over the carpet like mud. Yeah, I will never forget that one. I picked him up, put him in the bathtub and cried for quite awhile before I went back into the room really, how do you clean ground in poop spread into the carpet? I mean does it ever really come out? Isn't there still stuff that probably got down into the carpet pad? anyway, we don't live in that house anymore and I doubt the owners will ever take a blacklight to it. My point is we have our ups and downs as SAHMS, and they are usually extreme ups or extreme downs. I love it and I plan to write about it often! I never expected to really be doing all the domestic things that I do every day. The older I get I am amazed at all the mom/housewife stuff I become interested in. But I have learned to love and appreciate all those things and will blog about them because it is my life.

This is probably a strange first post. Me talking about aging and rambling on about whatever. But I started this blog as a writing and journaling tool and I hope to make something memorable of it. So welcome to my slowly evolving domestication into a housewife!